Honor Under Siege - Radclyffe
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of my miscalculation.
“Bul shit, Cam said dismissively. “Number one, youre part of the team.
Number two, its not your miscalculation. Number three, I was going to
suggest you meet with him myself.
“Real
y.
Cam rubbed her neck wearily. “Yes. I think wed break this eventual y,
but I dont think we have the time. We cant stay here forever.
Blair has public obligations. Diane has a life, and I thinkno, I knowtheyl
try to get to you through her. We have to draw out your handler and
Matheson on our terms.
“I agree. Besides, I never did enjoy waiting for someone else to
dictate conditions.
“Then lets start cal ing the shots ourselves, Cam said
fiercely.
“Al right. Valerie hesitated. “May I ask you a personal
question?
Cam smiled. “Theres something left about me you dont
know?
Valerie touched her sleeve, then dropped her hand. “Many things, Im
sure. This is about Blair.
“Go
ahead.
“Do you tel her about these
things?
“Oh man, ask me something easy. Cam slid her hands into her
pockets and walked the length of the room, then returned. “I tel her
as much as I can because thats my part of what keeps us together.
“And whats hers? Valerie asked.
“She tries to understand why I do what I do and doesnt ask
me not to.
“Shes going to be unhappy about
this.
“Possibly, but not nearly as unhappy as Diane is going to
be.
“I havent decided if Im going to tell her. Valerie returned to
the window. “It will be beautiful here if it snows.
“You know, Im the last person to give advice on personal matters,
Cam said, standing beside her.
Valerie laughed softly.
“But? “You should tell her.
“Why?
“Because you owe it to her. You let her fall in love with you.
You
could have stopped it.
“I couldnt. Pain fil ed Valeries voice. “I couldnt because I
needed her so much.
“Then you forfeited your right to make unilateral
decisions.
“Your approach to relationships is something like battle
planning, Cameron, Valerie said.
Cam lifted her shoulder. “You use what you know.
“ W h a t I know is that Im not going to run anymore.
From anything.
“The only way were going to know if Henry has turned is if
he makes a move to take you out.
“Yes, Valerie said evenly. “In this particular instance, the length
of our relationship works against him. Hes used to thinking of
me as a subordinate. Hell probably be suspicious, but I dont
believe hell truly see me as a threat.
“Hell still have the first
shot. “Ill just have to duck.
“Lets hammer out a plan with Felicia and Savard so you dont
have to.
* * * * *
“Im not going to like this, am I? Blair stepped away from
the canvas she was painting and faced Cam, brush in hand.
Cam smiled crookedly. “Probably not at first,
but
“Just tell me, and let me decide.
Cam moved a few more steps inside the door and studied
Blairs new work. Shed never seen her paint a portrait before,
and this one caught her by surprise. Blair had captured
Valeries innate loneliness in her remote expression and the
faraway focus of her ice blue eyes. Cam found it hard to look
away as she crossed the studio to her lover.
A roaring fire blazed in a large stone fireplace against the far
wall. The only other light came from several spotlights that
Blair had focused on her easel. Blair wore a faded red plaid
flannel shirt a size too big, faded jeans, and moccasins. She had
been engrossed in working on a small area of shading and hadnt
heard Cam enter the room at first. Cam was sorry to have
disturbed her.
She put both hands on Blairs shoulders and kissed her. “Thats
beautiful.
“So is she. Blair gave a quizzical smile. “I havent been able to
get her face out of my mind. Ive seen beautiful women before,
but its not just that shes attractive. Shes hauntingly sad and yet so
strong.
“The sadness will disappear the longer shes with Diane.
Cam rubbed her cheek over Blairs hair. “Mine did.
“Cam, Blair wrapped her arms around Cams waist and
caressed her back. “You sound a little sad right now.
Silently, Cam shook her head and kissed Blairs throat, then brushed
her lips over Blairs ear. “I love you.
Blair leaned back, keeping her thighs tight against Cams, and
smoothed her palms over Cams chest. “Oh, darling. I love you too.
Now tel me the bad news. I know you didnt interrupt me just to
remind me why I love you so much.
Cam winced. “I need to talk to you about an operation were planning,
and I
need you not to tel
Diane.
“Please Cam. I cant just stand by and watch Diane be
used
Cam shook her head. “Its not like that. Its not that I dont want her to
know, but its not your place or mine to tel her about it. Its Valeries.
Blair snapped of the spotlights, leaving only the fireplace to il uminate
the room, and walked a few feet away to face the fire. Cam watched
the red glow cast Blair in shadows and dreaded the distance that was
about to come between them.
“Valerie is going to arrange a meet with her handler, Cam
added.
“Is that safe?
Cam said
nothing.
“You dont know, do you? Thats the reason for the meeting, to try towhat,
make him show his hand?
“Something
like
that.
“This was Valeries idea? Blair glanced back at Cam. Beyond her,
through the window, the night sky was devoid of moon or stars. The
ocean was a distant thunder that might have been the sound of bombs fal
ing.
“Yes, Cam said, “but I was going to suggest it if she
hadnt.
Blair shook her head wearily. “You two are far more alike than I ever
realized.
She paused, her expression rueful. “Appearances can sometimes
be so deceiving. Valerie looks so much like the woman she was
supposed to bethe kind of woman who would spend her time acquiring
fine art and appreciating the company of a handsome woman like you
in her bed.
“Blai
r
“And of course, Blair went on undeterred, “she is those things, isnt
she? But shes also as single-minded and stubborn andand reckless, in
her way, as you and al the rest. Blair threw up her hands. “God,
Cameron. Is there no other way?
“We dont think
so.
“I know there are things youre not tel ing me, but you dont need to spel
it out for me to know how dangerous this is. How worried about you
do I need to be?
Cam kept her gaze steady but she flashed on Valerie, alone, with a man
who very probably wanted to kil her. “Il be backup. Its far more
dangerous for her.
Blair tilted her head as if listening to something that hung in the air
between them. “Youre frightened. Frightened for her.
“I always worry about my
team
“No, its more than that. Blair closed the distance between them and
set led her hands lightly on Cams waist. “Its okay. I know how you feel
about her.
Cam shook her head. “No. You
dont.
Blair smiled wistful y. “You are everything in the world to me. And you
love me perfectly, Cam. Perfectly.
“I wish I did. Cam frowned as she skimmed her fingers through Blairs
hair. “But
I swear Ive never loved anyone like I love you, and never
wil .
“See what I mean? Blair kissed her softly. “Perfectly. She
traced the column of Cams neck and slid her fingers underneath
the collar of her blue button-down shirt. “Id like to ask you a
favor.
“Ill do it if I
can.
“Let Savard lead the operation. Youre too close to Valerie and
Im afraid of what youll do if shes in trouble.
Cam rested her forehead against Blairs. “I have the most
experience with operations like this. Savard is not a hundred
percent. I cant let Valerie do this without the best backup
possible. She looked deeply into Blairs eyes. “It has to be me.
When Blair framed Cams face, her hands trembled. “Promise
me that you will not sacrifice yourself for her. I dont care about
your duty. I dont care about your honor. I care that you come
home to me. So you promise me that.
“I Cam thought about what it meant to have Valerie and
Savard and the others place their trust in her, to lead them
into danger with the pledge that she would guard their wel -
being with her life. She thought about what it meant to ask for
the love of a woman. She had asked for Blairs love, and her
vow had been sworn the first time Blair had said I love you
and she had not walked away. “I promise.
* * * * *
Diane found Valerie on the beach.
“Im sorry if you wanted to be alone. She kept both hands in
the pockets of her coat, even though she wanted to touch her.
“Savard and Felicia came up to the house for a late supper and
said that youd gone for a walk.
Valerie slid both arms around Dianes shoulders and kissed
her softly on the mouth. “Dont apologize. Im glad to see you. Im
sorry I lost track of time.
“Its cold and you dont have any gloves.
“Im fine.
Diane pressed close to her. “Youre not. Youre shivering.
Valerie smiled. “Lets go inside, then. Have you eaten?
“Not tonight. I was waiting for you.
“Sorry.
Diane kissed her lightly. “Stop saying
that.
“All right. Valerie took Dianes hand. “Lets grab something quick
to eat and warm up in bed.
“If I have a choice between you in bed or a meal, Im not going
to need dinner.
Valerie laughed. “Then lets go to bed first and have a
midnight snack later.
“What I have in mind might take longer than midnight
to accomplish. Diane drew Valeries hand into her pocket as
they
climbed through the dunes. “I want to make love to you
because
Ive been thinking about it all
day.
“I think I hear a but , Valerie said
gently.
Diane took a breath. “But I dont want to be with you while part of my
mind is wondering what secret youre keeping. Is it something you can tel
me?
Valerie stopped on the back porch and pul ed Diane into the shelter
of her body, out of the wind. She rested her cheek against Dianes.
“Were planning an operation. Im preoccupied, thats al .
“An operation. You and Cam and the
others?
“Yes.
“Wil
it
be
dangerous?
Valerie hesitated. “It could be if were careless, but were not going
to be.
“I dont have any experience with this. Ive known Blair most of our lives
and I
thought I had some understanding of what her life was like, but I was
wrong.
Valerie stif ened. “I had no right to drag you into this. It might be bet er
if I left. Diane turned Valerie until she could see her face in the faint
light coming through
the windows from the house. “Is that what you want? To leave meto
leave us?
“No, Valerie whispered
faintly.
“Then dont ever say that again. Just give me time to get used to this.
Can you do that?
“Yes. God, yes. Anything. Valerie kissed her again, her fingers trembling
as she cupped Dianes face. She buried her face in the warmth of
Dianes throat.
“Anything, anything as long as I dont lose
you.
“You must be certain that I dont lose you either. Diane kissed Valerie
urgently. “Al right?
Mutely, Valerie nodded, hoping that her silence would be taken as the
promise she couldnt make.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Thursda
y
V alerie grabbed the phone on the first ring and slipped
from bed.
“Yes? She moved to the window and peered out into a starless black
night. She was barely silhouet ed, but Diane could stil make out the
shimmering outline of her body.
“Im readyI had to be sure. Yes. Yes, but I dont trust her. She
lowered her voice and Diane strained to hear. “Look, I cant talk
Where?No, somewhere I can be sure youre alone. Trust? She
laughed harshly. “You might be fol owedLook, forget it. Il just Yes,
that wil work. Al right, if thats what you wantNo, thats too soon.
Because I dont want to alert anyone here to what Im doing Yes. Fine.
The usual.
After breaking the connection, Valerie remained stil in the silent room,
listening to the echo of his voice and the breathing of the woman in
the bed. Between those two people lay the boundaries of her world
past and futurebordered by truth and lies. Quietly, she made her way
across the room and slipped back into bed. She drew Diane into her arms.
“Im sorry I woke you.
“How did you know? Diane
asked.
“I could tel from the way youre
breathing.
“Youre
very
perceptive.
Valerie grimaced. “Its funny, I was trained to do two opposite things
equal y wel . To avoid intimacy with anyone, while at the same time
being sensitive to every nuance of expression and movement. It seems
Ive spent my life watching, but never living.
Diane took Valeries hand and drew it to her breast. “Im alive and Im
very real. So is my love for you.
“Why? Valerie murmured, cradling Dianes breast and brushing her lips
over the nipple. “I cant imagine this is what you want.
“This? You mean being with
you?
“Everything that being with me means. Valerie sighed and rested her
cheek between Dianes breasts, stil softly caressing her nipple.
“Your phone cal . That was the person you report to,
right?
“Yes.
“Youre going to meet with